Mid-Week Crisis

It would be my dream to sit down and write every single day without limitations. Unfortunately right now that is not realistic. There are too many distractions in my life; school, work, t.v. and my small existence of a social life. Who am I kidding? If I wanted to sit down and write everyday I could, but I make excuses like everybody else. 
So I am going to break my cycle of laziness, and force myself to sit and write at least once a week. Yes, I am going to give myself a new years resolution in July. We can have Christmas in July so why not New Years?

Here is your chance. What is your middle of the year resolution? Below I attached a picture of my office, maybe then you can understand why I procrastinate. 

Thursday Morning

You blew the flame out

Before the candle was even lit.

I watched you gather

Your things out of empty

Drawers and bare closets.

Watched you drag your muddy shoes across

Carpet-less floors.

I listened to you shut all the doors without ever opening

A window.

You rush right past me exhaling

Guilt

And regret

And sorrow.

Such sadness that even the warmth

Of my touch cannot heal or take

The pain away even if only for a moment.

How long must I wait?

How long?

To think about time is beyond

My comprehension. Until then

I will sit on this curb and watch

The world pass me by.

I wish you were here.

Like a fly on my wall

Watching me,

Stalking me,

With your nine hundred and ninety-nine

Eyes.  I could come talk to

You. Sit with you. Breathe

With you.

I want you to see the things inside me

Fluttering, gasping to get

Out. The things I hide from

The world.

Truth bleeds out of my mouth

Drop

By drop,

As if surrendering to you.

You consume me. Twisting

Me in knots from the inside out

Intoxicating me.

I lay here

With nothing but my thoughts

Naked on the floor.

Broken

I opened the door wide-eyed, heart beating

Fast. The light was blinding,

The smell; welcoming.

She said we could get a brand new

China set. Any one I wanted

I could have. Hundreds of

Pretty little dishes were stacked and

Placed in intricate patterns on shelves.

I gazed around, paying very little attention

To each one, not really captivated or stunned

By any means. I rounded the corner quickly,

Unimpressed but hopeful.

There it was. So pretty. So perfect. There were only

A few sets of this kind left. Appreciated by more than me,

Its edges were laced with fingerprints that the hired hand couldn’t

Wipe away.

Without warning I picked it up.

Heavy in my hand; the charger,

The dinner plate, the salad plate,

The bread plate, the saucer,

The tea cup.

I became lost in the red swirls and

Textures on the cup. Imagining having tea

Parties with my dolls, my G.I. Joe, and Barbie.

But out of the corner of my eye I saw a glimmer.

The same set but

In ocean blue.

I began to lose my concentration,

My thought, my balance.

They fell, one right after the other.

The tea cup hit first, and continued

To break, even after the last dish had fallen.

My mother ran over. Furious. Confused.

She apologized to the guy behind

The counter. Grabbed my hand and we

Raced out of the store, my eyes never

Leaving the ocean blue china set.